On the evening of April 20, as part of the Whitney Biennial, Laura Poitras and Jake Appelbaum did a Surveillance Teach-In. A video of Jake’s talk with Bill Binney is online here.

Along with the talk, there were performances by Stimulate. Some people in line for the museum were singled out to their bags searched, were asked invasive questions and were held in a detaining area. In this space, they heard recordings of a calm voice telling them things like “fear keeps us safe”. They could also see a woman asleep in a room, being observed by people dressed in black, speaking into radios. Every five minutes, an observation about the room and the people watching her was recorded on a chalkboard outside the room. This is the part Nadya and I were involved in.

full set of photos:

I stopped by Satellite 66 to see and photograph Trista Musco’s first solo show. I love her work, and it’s been exciting to see this show come together. The reception is tonight. If you’re in the Bay Area, you should be there. Here’s the details:

Trista Musco at Satellite 66
66 6th Street (between Market and Mission), San Francisco
7:00 – 10:00pm

The show will also be shown during normal 12:00-4:00pm gallery hours on Saturday, March 10.

So, what do I mean by “post-gender”? I absolutely do not mean that we should declare the gender conversation over, assume that we’ve reached equality, and never speak of it again. There are a lot of very real problems that still exist. We’re not going to solve them by ignoring them. The effects of gender-based assumptions are not going to be instantly healed. It takes time to understand this situation enough to completely dismantle it. I get this. What I mean by “post-gender” is a commitment to building a future where gender is actually irrelevant, a future where dividing people along gender lines is seen as arbitrary and stupid as dividing people by hair color. Months ago, my friend Kewagi said this on twitter: “I have this dream of gender eventually going the way of the tie – initially, strict insignia (military), now fashion accessory.” (original twitter post). That sounds awesome and just makes complete sense. Where’s the fast-forward button?

Especially in this bubble called San Francisco (at least in my immediate community), the gender roles of the 1950s and earlier are agreed to be obsolete. They’re seen as harmful things of the past that don’t deserve to live in present day. Saying outright that “women should…” or “men should…” is a great way to get yourself shamed. Despite this, longterm effects of established norms persist. They persist in the way we dress, the way we interact, and what opportunities we believe to be open to us. They persist in subtle ways that are much harder to understand. How much has my perception of my own agency been shaped by having a biologically female body and a feminine(ish) gender identity to go along with it? As I discover bits of my behavior and thought that are limited by this, I can do my best to banish them and rewire my brain. Will I ever find all of them? I doubt it, and this bothers me. I’m resentful that these things were allowed to affect my developing mind.

I was really lucky to be raised by parents who thought it was important to treat their daughter and son equally. It wasn’t perfect, especially since they weren’t the only adults I encountered as a child, and most others were not as enlightened on the subject. They tried their best to give us the same toys and encourage us in the same ways. I remember being really confused when people outside my family suggested that there were things I couldn’t do because I was a girl. In middle school and high school, when classes were separated by subject and skill level, it took me a long time to notice that the gender ratios of my advanced science and math classes were all wrong. When I took woodshop the gender division was more obvious, likely because of the boys’ attitudes. I was one of four girls in a class of about 16. My friend Angel and I saw this as an opportunity to show off. Boys were supposed to be better at this, but she and I did the highest quality work, never had to be called out for using the tools unsafely, and got the best grades. We were thrilled to enter a male-dominated environment and brag about how much better at everything we were. The boys’ discomfort at this was intensely amusing. The boys in that class were more obviously conditioned to be stereotypical “Men”. Their assertion that men were better at this particular skill was stupidly easy to disprove. They came into this class assuming they’d be good at it because of gender conditioning. In their arrogance, they didn’t bother to learn. Though they never treated us as equals, they eventually stopped their verbal chest-pounding when we kept proving them wrong.

In math and science classes, the boys weren’t usually dumb enough to say sexist things like “girls are bad at math.” In those classes, I got along equally well with students of whatever gender. I was one of the smart kids, and the other smart kids treated me as one of them. Sometimes I’d look around the room and wonder why there were so few girls in the class. I was smart enough for these classes, so why couldn’t the other girls get in? I started thinking that maybe boys were generally smarter than girls and I was one of the weird smart ones. Since I was a misfit, especially with other girls, this explanation seemed plausible. It didn’t occur to me then that other kids were not necessarily raised with the ideals of equality that my parents held. It didn’t occur to me that those other girls may have been told that they couldn’t do certain things just because they were girls. I didn’t realize how arrogant I was to think that everyone grew up with the same privileges as I did. How many of them thought themselves incapable of learning things without ever being encouraged to try? What is it like to be so defined by other people’s negative assumptions?

It’s shameful that kids are still taught to shove themselves into these limiting “boy” and “girl” roles. Many parents still assume that little children should be raised differently based on gender. Even the well-intentioned statement “girls can do anything” can backfire if a little girl never thought otherwise. I remember being confused by this sentiment as a kid – of course I can do anything, what does being a girl have to do with that? It let some doubt creep in and established a division between groups of humans that I didn’t perceive before. But, that statement could be incredibly useful for a girl who already perceived the boy/girl, man/woman division and felt limited by it. Depending on personal history, this same statement can have drastically different effects. So, how can we talk about the artificial cultural construction of two genders without accidentally perpetuating it? Keeping kids naive about the gendered world they’ve entered might be helpful in some ways, but ultimately deprives them of the tools to recognize and take apart the limitations they encounter. Dwelling on it too much may keep the gender divides alive and strong in the minds of future generations.

How can we finish fixing this legacy disaster of gender roles? I want so badly to see this finished in my lifetime, so we can legitimately declare victory and move on. In my mind, the importance of equality is so obvious. Getting culture to reach that ideal is complicated and messy. Undoing the damage of centuries is hard work. Not everyone is able to wake up one day and say “Well duh, dividing humans by gender is a stupid, obsolete idea! We’ve been such assholes! Let’s make amends and find a way out of this mess!” It’s disappointing that we still need to spend so much effort convincing people that equality is a good idea when that effort would be much better spent in strategizing and solving the damn problem.

This is why I get so impatient with those who defend the fears of bigots. Someone who fears what will happen if women and transgendered people gain true equality, if all humans are able to marry someone they love, or any other thing that absolutely needs to happen before this fight is over, should not be babied into thinking their fears are reasonable. No matter how real that fear feels to them, it’s still illogical, irrational, and completely naive. The only thing they stand to lose is their ability to scream about being afraid without being seen as a bigoted fool. Their fears should be addressed, but never validated. If someone’s afraid of monsters under the bed, it’s not actually useful to tell them “Yes, monsters are scary! I understand that you’re afraid! I’ll protect you from the monsters!” Instead, how about this approach: “I’m sorry you’re afraid. Let’s look under the bed together and see what’s there. Oh look! It’s just some toys and clothes that got pushed under the bed. The shape of them in the dark might look like a monster, but it’s completely harmless.” Patient, compassionate education about why these fears are unfounded is necessary. I don’t think I’m the one for the job. When people argue emotion against logic, I tend to just call them idiots and write them off as Not Worth Listening To. I know this solves nothing.

Actually repairing damage of centuries of oppression is a far more interesting problem than convincing people that it should be repaired. Pressure should be strongly put on anyone who is perpetuating oppression. As a culture, we all must become better at recognizing oppression and all its lingering effects. We must become better at calling bullshit anytime inequality shows up, even in subtle ways. We must become better at strategizing ways to repair the damage of unequal structures. Old hierarchies and traditions deserve no protection. Until every human truly believes that being human is enough to guarantee human rights, this process isn’t done.

credits:
Audrey Penven – photography
Kim Boekbinder – modeling, being sparkly and fantastic
QTR Nevermore – lighting assistance, glitter throwing

On Friday night, the Edwardian World’s Faire at the Regency Ballroom. I arrived just in time for this stunning double trapeze act by the Flynn Creek Circus.

Some time later, I went for a ride on Cyclecide’s bicycle merry go round.

For Saturday night was the ball itself. Dark Garden’s Unfortunate Heiresses fashion show, directed by B.Todi featured the work of Kalico DeLafay and Holly Bobisuthi. My photographs were projected as a backdrop for the show.

Enchanting, as always, Jill Tracy was the next to take the stage. She debuted a new song called “The Colour of the Flame”.

While Jill Tracy played this song, Sasha of the Vau de Vire Society, performed on the aerial silks.

The night was filled with more performances, music, costumes and friends. Click through to see the rest of the photos.

Hubba Hubba Revue

Edwardian World’s Faire (Friday)

Edwardian Ball (Saturday)

Stripmall Architecture

Return to Mono

This was my first year with a digital camera that actually makes me happy – the Sony Alpha 850. I decided to get it after Neil Girling let me play with his. The physical UI was incredibly intuitive, and felt similar to many of the film SLRs I’ve used. I spent the end of 2010 saving up for it, bought it on New Year’s Eve, and received it in early January.

The Post Yule Pyre was one of the first things I shot with my new camera.

That same night, I got a tour of the Defenestration building. I see this wonderful piece by Brian Goggin every day. Getting to walk around the space was really cool.

I made a ridiculous dress for the The Edwardian Ball. The skirt ended up being a gigantic fractal thing made of small triangles of fabric. The construction method made the hemline get longer every time I added another triangle. I haven’t made many dresses, so it was a Learning Experience. Neil Girling took this photo of me wearing it at the ball.

I took photos at the ball as well. This is one of my favorites:

I took a trip to NYC and NJ to visit family and friends. I reconnected with some important people in my life, and walked around one of my favorite cities. Here’s Jim Campbell’s Scattered Light in the snow.

On my trip to the east coast, I read all of Warren Ellis’s Transmetropolitan in preparation for a photoshoot to be done immediately upon returning to San Francisco. I was invited to contribute to a Transmet art book called All Around the World. This is the first time my work has been published in a book, which was really exciting.

In March, I participated in a Syzygryd run at Beyond Wonderland. With the Ardent Heavy Industries crew, I helped with repairs and improvements to the sculpture, and went to San Bernadino for setup and teardown. During the event, I took photographs of Syzygryd and the other art pieces.

I did a shoot with Meredith Yayanos and Dan Cantrell of The Parlour Trick.

My first solo show, Dancing With Invisible Light opened on April 1 at Pictopia.

I leveled up in fabrication skills by taking a welding class and learning to use a laser cutter at TechShop.

At the end of April, I photographed the box trucks of Lost Horizon Night Market in Oakland. This photo is from a western saloon.

At the Bay Area Maker Faire, I shared a table with Meredith Scheff. I showed Dancing With Invisible Light prints and explained the process of creating the images with a Kinect and an infrared camera.

In June, I projected lace shadows in a staircase for a shoot with Jill Tracy. Mike Estee and I designed and built a slide projecting device to use with a flash. Jill later used some photographs from this set in her new website design.

June 18 was the 5 year anniversary game of Journey to the End of the Night. I helped out with checkpoint 2B where the players created a graffiti wall.

In July, I did a shoot with Jill Tracy and David J. These photos haven’t been posted publicly yet.

In August, I danced in a crowd for a Sleepytime Gorilla Museum film called “The Last Human Being”.

Nicole Aptekar created a series of laser-cut paper artworks for a show at Satellite 66. I photographed these pieces for her.

A group of us in San Francisco came up with a plan to bring Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen to San Francisco. She hosted a gameshow, “My Drunk Iron Chef Kitchen”. I photographed this event at Chez Poulet. A blog post about this is coming soon. Until then, the full set of photos is here.

When Sleep No More was scheduled to end in the first week of September, some friends and I came up with a plan to see it. This involved throwing the Coilhouse fundraiser party, the Black and White and Red All Over Ball, in NYC. I helped out with some planning and setup, and took photographs during the event.

I made another ridiculous dress, this one for the Black and White and Red All Over Ball and inspired by the Constructivist theme of Coilhouse Issue 6. That’s me in the back on the left. I also made Nicole’s dress. (photo by Steve Prue)

At Burning Man, I camped with Death Guild and photographed fights in Thunderdome.

Back in San Francisco, I signed up for an Intro to Aerial Skills class at Circus Center. The class ended in the beginning of December. I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been, and I’m capable of doing some interesting things in the air.

I did a glittery shoot with Kim Boekbinder when she was in San Francisco for her Impossible Tour. The photos from the shoot aren’t posted yet, but here’s one after we joined in with an Occupy San Francisco march down Market Street.

I taught myself python and got involved in a few software projects.

Myrrh Larsen came to San Francisco for a show, and we did a rooftop photoshoot with costume and photo assistance by QTRNevermore (she’s helped me with many shoots this past year).

Frustrated with the quality of articles about women artists on Wikipedia, I finally created an account and started editing.

2011 had the usual assortment of event photography, with quite a bit of burlesque (primarily Hubba Hubba Revue), concerts, and circus performances.

Among other Occupy Wall Street solidarity events in the Bay Area, I participated in the West Coast Port Shut Down, marching to the Port of Oakland on December 12.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten to include some things, but this is a pretty good review of the year. I collaborated with many amazing people. I did things that were new and difficult for me. The year was wonderful and terrible, sometimes both at once. In the last moments of 2011, Eden Gallanter gave me a tarot reading with the beautiful deck she made. It was the perfect way to end the year and give me hope for 2012. At midnight, I stood on the roof with some of my closest friends, watching fireworks in the distance, feeling the pulse of a living city. I’m excited about another year with these people who inspire me constantly

Lots of people helped make 2011 what it was. Thank you to all my collaborators, friends, and family. I love you all.

In November 2010, Bill Fontana’s Sonic Shadows was installed in SFMOMA. Ambient sounds of the museum itself danced across the walls and through people’s heads. For the last days of the installation, Deborah Slater choreographed Echoes Made Visible, a performance for the partially transparent fifth floor bridge over the atrium. Watched from below, the seemingly weightless dancers moved through angles and light. These photographs are from the 3:00pm November 5, 2011 performance.

Dancers: Melissa Caywood, Kelly Kemp, Wendy Rein

Full set from Oakland:

Full set from San Francisco: